Black Jesus

After Jesus' resurrection, Jesus came across a fairy with two power crystals; each with its own individual power. One light one (which gives the consumer ability to fly) and one dark one (that turns him into a cool black guy with six pack abs and dreadlocks). As we all have learned from Bible classes, Jesus chose the first choice, however, recent scientific discoveries show that alternate dimensions exist where he chose the latter. In dimension-q149, Jesus consumed the dark power crystal, and used the power it gave him to win bodybuilding competitions, and donate the money he earned to charity and end world hunger. Dimension-q149 is one of the few second temporal dimensions where there exists a utopia.

URGENT!!!

Due to a recent event in our history and the lack of a proper mailing system in the mailing system in heaven, black jesus came to the aid of the people of the Irish Failed Rebellion of 1641, due to the fact that Black Jeus came 360 years too late, he settled for a Coke and a slice of Pizza instead.